Alone

I'm here with you
But I'm alone...
It's sad, but true:
Some hearts are made of stone...
I'm getting used to all of this,
Not ever feeling any bliss.
I will become this lifeless creature,
While you will never see life's bigger picture...
:(

The Power of Friendship

No matter what they'll do to me
No matter how they try,
I love you dearly, and you see,
No need for How or Why.

I just made some dots-connecting,
Just put it all together,
So far away from you, yet breathing
The same love together.

By love I mean true honest friendship
You've taught us all this time
We will forever love u dearly,
And we hope that you are fine.

I hope all tabloids will burn,
For you I will be here,
With you, every single day I learn
To love. I feel you near. 

Love,
Katie
♥

#stoptheliesaboutmichaeljackson

Rain, as seen by...

F: raindrops--lullaby of crystal blue resonating against a rainbow of every hue God's masterpiece of Creation leaves me speechless in adoration

K : rain--symphony of water drops singing together a song of hope and Love makes you pray that it never ntops it's pure Joy sent from God above ♥

Biography

Born on the Autumn Equinox, She wears in her ♥ the melancholy of the Fall... Keeping all her dreams in a box, Ppl try to put her down,but she loves them all...

Friends...or non-friends...

Lately, Twitter has become this place where a lot of friends have one or two best friends, based on how they're being treated in their times of need. But are those true friends the REAL true friends, that is the question? 

For instance, last week I've been in hospital. No point in telling that story that has to do with burglars, children being harassed, fists in the abdomen and nose bleeding. The point is children are fine, I am fine, everyone's fine now. But my being hospitalized gave me the opportunity [although I haven't asked for it!] to see who's being an honest true friend, and who's hiding behind a pretty mask. Or at least, I think I know. For I might very well be wrong... 

The point is, we all go through problems and pain. Some of us keep them all locked inside, while some of us externalize it...let it all out. I'm part of the latter category most of the times. I feel that I can't breathe, I literally can feel getting ill, if I don't let it all out. I have to speak my mind, otherwise I'm going crazy. So, after the whole burglars - situation, I got home, and I didn't want to call the ambulance, I felt fine. Just scared, couldn't believe I had the guts to confront them. But when my nose started bleeding, and I started feeling abdominal pain, that's when I got scared...and confused. And didn't know what to do. So, as I was shaking, I got on Twitter and asked my friends to pray for me, because that's what came to my mind, being so afraid, feeling so confused and scared. That's what I felt at that moment...that I need prayers, because I just realized I'd gone through quite a bad experience.

From that moment on - a series of situations took place. Some of them made me realize how lucky I am to have found such amazing friends all over the world... and all this, thanks to MJ!!! But some of the situations made me see more and more clearly, how clever, wicked and truly mean some people are. Hiding behind a well-crafted mask, looking so neat, kind, ready to help, [and they even do that, coming up with the best advice ever] only to drop the mask and show you the real self, when you least expect.

That's why I'm saying: shouldn't we all be just a little more cautious, when it comes to believing in everyone that calls himself a friend? I've been burnt so many times both in real life and here on the internet, that it's a miracle when I discover there are still HONEST, TRUE people here. You know ...? People are living on the extremes, but it's really not the best idea at all: being all too naive and believing - you risk getting hurt; being all too suspicious - it takes a toll on you, you become a recluse, eventually hurting people that do not deserve to be treated like haters or liars [it happened to me not too long ago with a person so suspicious, that I eventually got to thinking she must be either very fake, mean or jealous, either hoaxifying every situation ---both sides would end up hurting people anyway]. Well, who am I to judge? I am not perfect, I know... But I too have a soul and a heart, and I can't just keep on pretending I am fine, when in fact, I am so hurt, and so alone, and it's really like a jungle here, sometimes: you never know who to trust, cause they might 'eat' you alive...

All I know is that there's gotta be a balance somehow: just because someone is always there, with the best advice, doesn't make it any more of a better friend than the one who's only there for you two times a week, but also with the best advice, showing unconditional love and support, in any way that he can. Maybe that's the only time he's got in store for Twitter...We should appreciate every single gesture of LOVE, whether bigger or smaller...Love doesn't come in packages - LOVE is LOVE. Period. At the same time, when you get to go through a rough time, you do get to see who your better friends are... Because some of them offend you, some of them dissappear forever, in seeing that you no longer contribute to a certain situation [like in the H.Family - some of them think 'well, you no longer tweet about the H., therefore you don't exist' - which really hurts and make you question your presence here in the first place.]  Some of them tell you you're so amazing, wonderful, you're the best, f** the rest, you're IT, just to get under your skin, so that they could hurt you, since they've hated you since day 1! :( Sad, but TRUE!!! 

Still, thinking of the reason why you chose to be here - a person who makes you smile just thinking of him - well that gives you enough strength as to move on and hang in there.

In this H. Family, I love everyone and I mean it. Even the ones who called me a liar, a freak, a fool, a hater, an attention-seeker. Though some of them [taking it realistically now!] have no [more] excuse/-s as to act this way, I still find excuses for them in my heart...I might not be a hater, but maybe I've other flaws that may bother people...I'm not some super-duper girl..I'm just an ordinary girl. But it's in my nature to forgive. How can I expect God to forgive me, if I can't forgive my neighbor?

I didn't choose my fate. I do have my say when it comes to it, but sometimes you have to go through certain experiences, in order to learn to survive, and be a better human-being. So maybe I too, have to go through certain situations, and being the kind of person that can't keep her pain inside all the time, I might tweet about it, seeking comfort in my friends. But I also LOVE to be there for them in any way that I can, EVERYTIME they are in need, or they're sad. So, it hurts to be called an attention-seeker, when all you do is give and receive LOVE. This hatred and malice from people you would least expect - shakes you to the very core, makes you doubt yourself, doubt the idea of friendship, saddens you so deeply... why would one do that to someone who they used to call a friend just days before? :(

There's gotta be a balance in all this. But how do we find it? Maybe if we all tried to LOVE from the very depths of our souls, with no expectations in return, other than that of at least not being hurt. Even though, TRUE LOVE is actually supposed to BEAR anything, even hate. Maybe if we all LOVED and ACCEPTED each other for who we are....Maybe if we all didn't rank our friendships ["X is a better friend than Y, because he said I'm amazing and beautiful and kind, while Y only told me I'm kind."]. Maybe....

I'm not trying to show anything here. I only speak my mind. I feel inspired in offering LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, but since I'm only human, I had to let this all out, I had to tell what keeps on making me sad and confused at the same time. I might be wrong, but there's also a big chance I might as well be right...

I hope you guys can understand me and not take this personally. Cause I truly love, admire and respect each and every one of you!

Katie

L.O.V.E

Among all the hate and lies, Let's be the ones spreading LOVE, I truly want to be one who tries, So I need some guidance from above...

No need to show off, no need to brag About who we are or what we do, Let's all raise today LOVE's flag, Be kind, honest and true...

Gratitude

I feel a lot of LOVE tonight,
So much good energy and light...
My heart is beating to the rhythm
Of a wonderful song,
I open again all my soul's windows:
I'm still strong...

But who's there, hiding in one corner?
It's Sadness, she's a foreigner...
Came uninvited, settled into my soul,
Helped by angry people
Turned my heart into a hole...
Chased my friend, Hope away
Threatening me she's here to stay...
Well, no more, dear Sadness,
As of now you're being let go...
I'm replacing you with Gladness,
Good friend, come in...hello!

I feel a lot of JOY tonight,
Love, Hope and Innocent Delight,
In seeing all that I've become
From sad to this,
Although so much hated by some,
I still feel Bliss...

Open your eyes

I'll never forget my bf's words: "She's never gonna be honest, she's never gonna be a true friend. She only acts with honesty as long as it fits her interest. She's a master at manipulating people. She looks all neat and kind, but she's pure evil. Inside, she's eaten by gealousy, hatred, envy" ... 
If only I'd listened to my bf then...




Just open your eyes
Tell the truth from the lies,
Learn to tell day from night
Learn who's wrong & who's right!

Dont get blinded by a smile,
For it's not worth the while,
True spirits will never ever find
Comfort in hating and being unkind!

Never lonely

It's night time...I look up to the sky...
There she is : Spica, the One and Only.
"Hey girl", she says," stop asking yourself <Why>!!
You might be now alone, but you're never lonely!"

To Front

I'll let the picture do the talking :)

Get me out of this misery

Your better half should always be your friend,
Not make you think, pray and hope for an end....
He should love you just the way you are,
For you can't always shine bright like a star...

To my H. Family

Sometimes when you feel sad and lonely, you say things you don't mean...
If I hurt anyone with my last poem, I am so very sorry and I apologize with all my heart, and hope you guys can forgive me!
I was just too sad...still am, but now I see things more clearly than yesterday!
I pray you can accept my apologies!
Love U all!

Hurt

To fall asleep at 4 AM

Only to be there for a friend,

And when it's time for them to say

"Don't worry, it will be OK",

They vanish like a magic hat...

And I am hurt by that :(

I'm all alone, misunderstood,

No more feelings of brotherhood,

Everyone's out just for themselves

While you are out here, by yourself...

They never have the time for you,

They all got problems, but U do too,

U lost ur job, Twitter got U so tired,

Getting u to the point where u almost got fired.

U resigned cause you were too tired and weak

And here U are, w/ the problems at their peak,

Where are the friends that u used to stand beside?

They're all gone! Now there's no one by your side..

Where is the LOVE that we all used to preach,

Where is the KINDNESS that we wanted to teach,

Where is the PATIENCE of standing by a friend,

Where is that idea of TOLERANCE til the end?

Where is the man that provided all these?

He forgot u existed, he has too much PEACE

To even observe what u're writing to him.

That u were beside him, when his days were dim.

They say to love and expect nothing in return,

It's true, but the lack of love makes ur heart burn...

Your brain gets numb, your body shuts down,

Your soul dies inside, where is Love's Crown?

Optimism

Through the wondering and the tears, Through all my lack of trust and fears, Within the shadows of my night I can still see a ray of light.

A Message

Okay, so now let's take this logically:
Who's been here first, the man or the sea?
They say it was the Sea, and then came the man
Likewise, MJ came first, and then came the fans...

So whenever you're sad remember this:
To us you come first, you and your bliss!
You've blanketed us with so much love
Now let us hold your hand and ask God above

To shelter you always from all storms,
From all leeches, monsters, trolls and worms,
To keep you safe from the malice of this world,
For God knows we'll defend you: we give thee our word!

A song for Michael

Through the good and the bad,
Either smiling or sad,
We've been here for the last four years,
Sharing laughter, sharing tears...

We pray for Michael to be OK,
So, dear Mike, hear us when we say:
No matter what this day will bring,
Still gonna love you, still gonna sing

A song of freedom, joy and love
As we pray to the God above,
To give us the hope and strength we need
To wait. On your pure love we feed.

© Katie Ross, June 25th 2013

A writer's dry spell...

I cannot write today. I want to say so many things about life, lessons that I've learned lately, people that I've met [even though not face-to-face] - but who've inspired me and changed my world for the better.

I want to write about how sad I am about this planet dying a lil' bit more each day, how much this is tearing me apart and the toll it's taking on me. I wanna write about the fact that I love my country as a whole, but I despise those who mock Nature, who take everything that God has been offering us through the means of Nature - for granted! I wanna write about children and how they inspire me more and more each day - I wanna write about that so much!!! I wanna write about the fact that I truly, honestly and deeply wish to have my own children, or adopt at least one - I'm the luckiest girl to have been raised by a step-dad who loved and loves me still like I were his own, so I wanna be able to provide this kind of unconditional love to another child, and help him have a great life, and make him feel the most loved child in the Universe, and make him respect all the other human-beings and cherish life's true values! I wanna write about my hobbies, my favorite things to do in this life, about who and what inspires me to have such hobbies and how much I truly wish that at least one of them becomes a full-time job. And how much I'd wish that that full-time job would help others, and would help create a better world for everyone!

I wanna write so much about the fact that all the above mentioned things are completely true, are coming from the heart, and that I'm not the kind of girl who does something just to impress others, that I'm not a fake human-being. Never was and never will be. And I'd wanna write so much about how sad, and even depressed [lately] I am that still there are people who either think I'm fake just because I happen to write what I feel with all my heart, or who hate me for being me, or who try to harm me on  any occasion. Or smile to my face, and stab me in the back. I wanna write a lot about the fact that I will never hate those people, regardless of the amount of harm that they're bringing to my heart and soul - hating and getting revenge is not the answer. God is omnipresent, He sees and hears everything. And He's all about justice...

I wanna write about having a job and being taken advantage of, busting your ass-ets to do your job the best way you can, making the company/business have a name, only to be treated like you value nothing, and being overworked to the point where you can't tell day from night...

I wanna write so much about how foolish I am to sometimes lose my faith, just when I'd need it more...how incredibly silly and childlike really, I act at times - hanging on to dreams that I know will NEVER come true! EVER! Still, these dreams are feeding my soul, and inspiring me to want to be a better human-being.

I wanna write about sunsets, birds's songs, leaves trembling in the wind, rays of light, clouds taking wonderful shapes, butterflies, the Moon and the Sun, flowers, morning dew, sunrises, a child's laughter...

I wanna write so much about all these.

But I just can't.

I'm stuck here... empty as a drum.
Sad.

To my dear MJFam - A story of a life

[Posted on TwitLonger on June 17th 2013]

Dear #MJFam members,

you've proven to be the best friends anyone could ever have, and I truly mean that. Most of you have blanketed me with your love and support today, and not only. I feel bad about myself, that I've put you in a situation where you all had to wonder what has happened to me, am I ok? :( I shouldn't have done that.
Besides, I know that being an #MJFam member should make me focus more on everything that happens here, in our beautiful H. family, rather than tweeting about my personal life. Still, to my shame, this has happened a few times with me...it's part of who I am, unfortunately, and it is something that I try to change about myself: I'm always writing what I feel. Whether it's a poem dedicated to my favorite artist, or a quote that I think represents me or what I yearn for most in life, or tweeting about simple things in my life, it's what I feel. I truly honestly cannot lie just to please another. At least, not anymore. Society teaches you to wear a mask, to do anything just to be liked by someone, or integrated in a certain group, or be appreciated at work. And I'm talking here about our everyday lives... Why would I lie on Twitter, when I found the best friends ever? Friends that take me as I am, with all the good and the bad, qualities and flaws, everything... If it were for me, I would never have to pretend someone that I'm not, and if I do it, it's involuntarily and it has to do with work. Yeah...work... :(

Before I go on with this subject called WORK, let me tell you a lil' bit about my life.

My fate changed when I was only 2 months old. My destiny could've been totally different [whether to the better, or to the worse], if something completely unexpected hadn't happened.
My dad died when I was 2 months old. He was 31. Had his whole life ahead. A handsome young man, with such big dreams for the future. He was a little rebellious indeed, but my mother loved him with a love that cannot be explained in words ... and my dad, with all his rebellion and stuff, well he loved his family, and made sure we lacked nothing. I also have a brother who's eight years older than me. So he was 8 when our daddy died. Compared to me, the way he felt the loss of our father is ... too much to be put into words. I cannot even explain what was in my mom's heart. To have your husband die at 31, out of a medical error, 3 weeks after my being baptized... is horrific. Especially knowing how much he had wanted to have a daughter... and he used to rock me to sleep calling me Princess, and Little Strawberry... I know him only from pictures, and from the fact that everybody's telling me how much I physically look like him [I inherited my mother's spirit though].

My mom's world was broken into pieces. In just a couple of days, she lost her husband. People don't usually die from thrombophlebitis. But in communist Romania, anything was possible. So the doctor gave my father antibiotics [which are forbidden in this type of illness, since you don't wanna cause more thrombi, from the increased blood pressure caused by the antibiotics]. But the doctor only looked at my dad's swollen lungs, he didn't care to check other signs of sickness... and so my dad died on his feet, aware that he was dying, aware that they sent him to the county hospital too late!!! - when he already had septicemia ... While dying in the arms of my uncle, almost like half asleep, he just said that my brother's gonna be a priest/pastor, and I'm gonna be a writer. And asked my uncle to take care of us. And he closed his eyes and never opened them again.
It's sad to even write down these words...
My mom says that she used to lock herself in the bathroom every single night, after having rocked me to sleep, and cried her heart out, but still, with a muffled cry, so that me and my brother wouldn't hear her. Having lost her mother in 1982, her father in 1983, and her husband in 1984, I honestly don't know where  she found all that strength from... ...Still to this day, she is an inspiration to me. Every time I have a problem in my life, I think that hers were much worse, and if she could do it, then so can I.
Yet, I feel like the malice in the world today is too much for me to handle. But I don't wanna complain...
Communist Romania was not really the place to be. 70's were really great for Romanians, though. From clothing to food, you could find almost everything..the political system was not as corrupt as it is nowadays, but still, people lived a much carefree life then. Sounds surreal, but it's true. Then the 80s came, and our president started to cut wages, in order to pay all the country's debts. Which is what he did, actually. By 1989, when The Great Romanian Revolution took place [and we actually killed our own president..and by "we" I mean Romanians ... so people from my country, who were injected with poisonous lies, and wanted the president out of the country. Why did they kill him and his wife...? This is out of my power of understanding. This is not the solution... he could've been imprisoned,b/c all he did was to follow some strict communist rules from his foreign superiors, and ...he didn't do it the best way....
My mom was living hard times. Her wage was good, she worked as a telephone operator, but she was a widow. It was hard. She never wanted to love again, never even thought that she could love again. She had no idea what God had in store for her.
One day the electric installation in our apartment went down. She often used to have problems with it. She immediately called the electricity company/enterprise and they sent whoever was working that day. He was a 35 years old man, recently divorced from a lady that he caught in the act in their bedroom with his best friend. Sounds like in the movies, but it was real. He wanted to have children so much, she wasn't even interested in that possibility, so it ended. He came a couple of times in our apartment, fixed our electricity, but my he and my brother bonded immediately. Then he and my mother started chatting about life, and they started telling the story of their lives to each other. They became friends, but my mom never even thought of anything more. That's not what was in her heart and mind. But I was already 2, and when I saw him, I started smiling, which is something that mom says I would do only with people whom I felt comfortable with. He took me in his arms, I looked at him and called him "da-da". Tears went streaming down his face, and it was then and there that we bonded and he knew that he wanted to raise me and my brother. And the rest, guys, is history.
Me and my brother we managed to get my mom and him closer together. My mom was very sad still ..couldn't get over my father's death at all. But she could see this is a man she could trust. So he even took paternity leave to stay with me the whole winter, b/c my mother's boss didn't allow her to take a maternity leave.
They got married in '87, and that awesome man has been my father ever since. I'm so attached to him, that I cannot explain in words. If I were to live in Hollywood they would sure call me and my dad freaks, b/c I still watch cartoons with my father, while lying next to him on the couch, they would invent that my dad is a pedophile or whatever - but they wouldn't get it. They wouldn't understand that having a dad that raises you since the age of 2, never thinking for one second that you're not his own - it's the most beautiful thing that could ever happen. And that, if I lie in bed next to my father and my mom watching a movie, or talking - that doesn't mean anything other than just THAT! That's why I get what our Michael was going through...b/c I've had people jealous of my family...I've been used to people's malice from a very young age: they would bully me in kindergarten, since they were jealous that I would know how to read at 3 - but I never bragged about it, I was just happy to read to my kindergarten fellows, and teacher would always take a break, and let me do the reading. Then there were my family's "so-called "friends" who were smiling at us, but were bullying and gossiping us behind our backs, all out of jealousy that our family was finally happy. Jealous because I had a dad who would always stand up for me, giving me advice, but also be tough when it was the case [never called my dad strict, but he does have very strong principles of life, he's very correct to people, and wanted us to be the same way]. Then at 5, I fell in love with English. Why? Simply because of MICHAEL JACKSON's music. I fell in love with 4 things at the same time: music, dancing, writing and English. He did that. Michael. So my mom and dad saw that I was literally creating songs, singing them in the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, outside, wherever. So they took me to The Kids Club, where specialized teachers would..well, teach you how to sing/dance, etc. So I started taking singing lessons, and dancing lessons, and I was the happiest. I was reading novels, then felt inspired to write poems or little short-stories of my own, with a child's mind, of course. But being bullied at school for no other reason that that of having some extra-curricular activities, I would find my escape particularly in singing, dancing and writing.

Never been a cold-hearted person. I was always sociable, and I can even have sense of humor -I can :p. But having been bullied or offended many times, I became shy and my self-esteem had a lot to suffer. As I said, music/dancing/writing continued to be my escape, like a safe haven, where I would hide from the world's worst things.
The Kids Club helped me gain confidence. I was always getting along better with ppl who were younger than me, that is, kids, or ppl who were older than me, cause they were the only ones not having a problem with what I do in my free time. They understood I was doing things that I loved, they saw that I was not the type to brag about it, rather a shy isolated girl, afraid to trust in anyone. They understood it was not about competition. To this day, I have the same things going on...
If I had been mean, or selfish, self-centered, infatuated even just for a split second, than I would have understood people's malice. But I never was like that. I would have long conversation with my parents, especially my dad [yeah, especially my dad, cause my mom had a very busy work schedule + cooking and making sure our clothes are clean, that we ate, that we did our homework, etc -which dad did too, but well..mothers :p...] - and dad taught me to always be kind, respect people in order to be respected, never get infatuated with anything, to thank God for everything that I have and work hard to get that something. Never imagine that something just comes for free. He went through A LOT in his life, enough to make him want his children not repeat the same mistakes, or get hurt for a change.
I continue to ask him for advice, every time I meet him...cause now I got my own life here in this northern Romania city, and ... I feel I somehow disappointed myself and him. He's so proud of me, as is my mom, but...I'm not proud of myself. I'm not. Working as a translator - it's a wonderful thing. I learn so many new things...I get to translate things from my favorite fields: music, literature, medicine, astronomy..it's a challenge every day. But still... somethin's missin'.
I studied Foreign Languages in college - b/c my love for English [especially American literature + accent:p] was too big to just drop it off. But I had to choose between music, medicine, journalism [worked as an anchor in a local radio station throughout high-school], astronomy... wow, pretty much I had a lot to choose from. So I went with Foreign Languages, b/c I wanted to become a teacher...because I simply love them and I've also been surrounded with kids all my life [my mom's relatives are...an enormous family and so is my natural dad's] - so lots of cousins, uncles, aunties and so on. But fate took a turning point and I somehow ended up working in a radio station as a news anchor, until... I found a certain someone, who mesmerized me with stories of endless love and ...here I am.
Here I am stuck in something that I'm not the happiest with, here I am working in a translation office, with a boss whose wife literally hates me, although I've always- ALWAYS been nice to her and to everyone - hates me from the way I dress [if I'd dress too provocative I would understand her, but I'm in an office for God's sakes :( so my clothing screams office style!]- to the way I speak. I think she hates the air that I breathe :(
She hates that I finally did the only thing that I've dreamed about since I was a kid, that is - to participate in a song contest, - auditions were in April, she hates me for having some activities that I enjoy doing outside my job - working with these wonderful children from a placement center, taking some choreography lessons...she hates me and she's talking my boss into hating me too, and looking for reasons to start a scandal, or..whatever. And this pressure is killing me. Not only that I put up with so much pressure and stress while working, b/c there's so many things that I have to do at the same time, and I'm also working with lawyers and Notaries, translating documents... why is he making this even worse? :(( Why??

And why can't your better half give up on his ego? Why do people even have egos? :( Yeah, ego does help when it's being kept only at the level of dignity, but when it goes beyond it, it's called pride. It's called selfishness even.

Besides, I'm friendly...I'd do anything for anyone, especially for my friends, family! Yet, why do people try taking advantage of you? I could very well change and become this cold infatuated girl... but why would I do something that is against my moral values??
Still, I got to the conclusion that, the kinder you are to some ppl, the worse they treat you. :(

My boss's wife is not the only one who hates me. And so, among tears of sorrow here, I'm asking myself: If I gave my last shirt for people, regardless of who they are, and where they come from, why can't people just offer me some unconditional love in return? Is that too much to ask for? I don't need money and treasures, life is pretty short, I'd rather help someone in need, cause I could very well end up having nothing, you never know what life gives you. But you CAN love, support and respect others for who they are, and not expect them just to change because you want it, or because it fits some of your interests.
I'll never forget ...I was in the 8th grade, I participated in this school county contest - related to human rights, cause I always wanted to be able to have a voice in the future about it. I won 1st prize. Then I had to participate in the national Human Rights contest. I was the 2nd. The hatred in my classmates' eyes when I returned from the contest...it's encarved in my heart. Of course, they were just teenagers... I forgave them in my heart right that moment. But I still remember the feeling, the rejection...


So, in that world full of jealousy, hatred and malice, just b/c it happened that I followed [or wanted to follow] some of my dreams, I lost my self-esteem, and tried to regain it piece by piece. In that world, Michael Jackson was my best friend. In that world, Michael's music was [and is] the most wonderful companion and piece of art, Mike's choreography inspired me to be better and more discipline/to be more organized in everything I do, Michael's lyrics inspired me to be a better human being, to unconditionally help people, never waiting for anything in return, just like my parents taught me. When they aired Bashir's interview on national television, we all cried our eyes out [me, mom, dad, brother] - b/c we found it SO UNFAIR!!! SO UN-FAIR!!! It's like we saw his heart, his soul and we knew that he was completely innocent. We then realized what media can do to human beings. It's the reason why I quit from working in media, in the first place. Radio was fun, had nothing to do with press or television, but still... I quit when they asked me to write news saying that MJ was a drug-addict and possibly a pedophile. It was only so much I could take. And I mean it.


I'm still learning about life, I am not perfect, nor pretend to be.
My post here is not written so that I impress you, or get your attention. I just wanted to share these feelings, maybe other people who feel bullied or rejected by other people, can find themselves in what I've just written, and I want to tell them that even though it hurts, and it hurts a lot, we have to move on. I hope I can put into practice what I just said. I'm still sad and disspointed, but ever since I've been here on Twitter, I feel so blessed, I've found you, the amazing #MJFam, composed of such wonderful human-beings, people who are so kind, supportive, and offer you UNCONDITIONAL love! And I think everything happens for a reason. And that this [our encounter on Twitter] had to happen.

I'm honored and blessed to have found Front! He's made me rediscover who I am and what I want in life, and made me dream of a better future for this planet called Earth, for the children, for the poor. I now BELIEVE making a better world for you and for me IS POSSIBLE. I don't know if any of you or Front, for a change, will ever read this, but if he will, I want him to know how much I love him with the purest most innocent, unconditional kind of love! Same are my feelings for you, my wonderful H. Family.

I just hope wherever my natural dad is, that he's proud of me, or at least, that I give him some reasons to be proud of. I would hate to know that his spirit is wandering somewhere sad, seeing his daughter not having a noble purpose in life. I've been blessed with 3 fathers: 1 is God, who's the Father of everyone and everything in this Universe, then my natural dad, Peter, who God thought it's better for him to be in Heaven and guide me from there, and my 'earthly' dad, who's the most wonderful DAD I could ask for.

Just wanna let you know this: if your childhood has been sad, or if your adult years are sad, never lose hope: cause, see? God, nature, fate, Creation, whatever you call it - works in such a way, that it sooner or later compensates for everything you lost. At least, that's what I choose to believe :)

I think I have to be stronger, because I, too can make a difference in the world. i have to be able to.

Katie's poem [not related to anyone else but me]

Lost in a desert they call hope
I'm trying to hold on to the rope
My hands are hurting
My feet are numb
It's too much to grasp at
My eyes are swirling
And now I'm down.

It's night time. The cold zephyr
Is freezing my heart
All bruised and battered
I'm falling apart
I think I am tired
Of climbing that rope
Only to fall again
Into a ...desert of hope.

Its sand is warm, then cold
It's both new as is old
It's hurting both my eyes,
Invading me with sighs ...

I'm lost in this lonely desert
The hope for a better world,
Where kindness, peace and friendship
Should only be translated
Into LOVE.

Two pictures for my friend :)

As a lot of messages I'm sending to my wonderful FRiend get lost down the Twitter hole, I'm gonna try to post them here, in hopes that he sees them and knows just how much we appreciate him, and that no matter what his decisions will be, we're gonna support him all the way. I'm not just saying that, I'm not that kind of person. I'd rather be silent than say something that it's not in my heart, or that I don't feel, just to impress my friends or anyone. I do think honesty is the best policy, as they say. And if I'm sitting here writing these words, is because I truly feel them.

So, my friend may not be who we all think and hope he is [ though my heart, my soul and my mind-  all tell me it's him :p]. But what matters to me is that he is a true friend, he's helping us throughout everything that's taking place right now, he sends us messages of encouragement [whether in form of a poem, a thought, etc], he gives us hints, he tries to reply to everyone, he is so humble and kind. He makes us laugh. He makes us feel like actors in a big screen play, like we all have an huge role to play and we can all bring our contribution to the scenario. He makes us feel that we're all important in our own way, and that we all have a gift given by God, and that  we just have to discover it and help change the world for the better!

And I know I might be overreacting with my messages, and I'm putting my heart and soul into each and everyone of them, and when I see he doesn't reply, I get sad. But then I immediately understand: this man's got hundreds of messages, if not more, per day, coming from hundreds of followers. He's human, he can't answer all of them. That doesn't mean that he didn't see them or didn't like them.

But I think of him as the man who changed my perspective of life, made me strive to be a better human-being, made me wanna help others more, made me wanna believe in  my dreams, so these little messages that I'm sending with a child's heart and joy, they're the least that I can do to thank him at least a little for everything he's triggered in me: this happiness that I'm waking up with every day lately, this smile that I've been having upon my face for a little while now, the ambition to perfect my dance moves, my singing, my writing, ..even if I do it just in the privacy on my own bedroom, it's ok, because I'm doing all that and feel so much joy, and it's a feeling that I cannot explain in words! I look up to him, he is my hero, he inspires me, but I'm not an obsessed fan, I'm just regular human being  whose heart has been touched by this wonderful friend. In the most innocent and pure way you could think of.

So I wanna thank him and promise him I won't bother him with all these messages anymore, cause by now I hope he read them, and understood his significance in my life :) But I'll do bother him with pics or poems from time to time, and well...if he'll ever wanna answer to them, well he'll make my day, that's for sure :)

So now... sending him the first pic, a sort of mini-montage thing I did 2 days ago, inspired by what MJonmind [aka MJonline] tweeted to our friend. So I just wanted to remind her to also tell our friend what I feel about him. Here it is:

I've always wanted my friend to see pictures of us, members of the H. Family as kids. I could already imagine him giggling at the pics :p Some of my friends already did that - sending pics of their own. So I thought, ok...time to send our FRiend a pic of me as a child, hoping that I'd make him smile, even just for a second ... at least that's what I hope :p

So, here it is:

These little messages/pics are childish and child-like really. I know I'm part of this H. Family for a very specific, noble, beautiful purpose, and I am trying to stay focused, and do my research and help as much as possible. My work is killing me most of the time, not that I'd complain, but unfortunately leaves me virtually no time to research, so I'm usually spending half of my night time here, but I love it! And all of us do! I'm just a piece in this great big puzzle, but if I can be of any help, I am honored. And I'm so proud and honored to have found such amazing friends: Stephanie, Neneh, Jadz, Sarahli, Sims, Wishy,  Mjonline, SweetSunset, Everlasting, Blankie, Diggyon, 3rd Eye :p - most of them I met on the forum first - they are ALL amazing investigators and FRIENDS! 

And we have YOU, our dear FRiend to THANK FOR!

PS: Now, if you want to and have the time, pls scroll down the page, cause there are a couple [short:p] messages left from me to you to read!

<3 Much love,

Katie [Girl in the Mirror]

To a wonderful FRiend...

:)

PS: Scroll down, please :P

[I gotta learn from the master: is this poem good?

Not being a native English speaker can prove to be tricky sometimes :P

Thank you.]

Summer melancholy

This sweet scent of jasmine
Floating on air
In this mysterious, magical night,
Triggers a sudden mixture
Of melancholy, hope and delight...
The Moon gently whispers a story
Never told before

Waves of mystic light caress me
I think I love you more...
The oak tree leaves murmur
At their own pace,
Inside a hornbeam's hollow
Two fairies lost in an embrace...
Where are you? Do you even know I exist?
Who are you? Chase away this heavy mist...
This scent of jasmine's driving me insane...
Wanna hold your hand
Even just for a moment,
A token of friendship and respect,
Wanna call you by your real name...
All I feel is this scent of jasmine
And a bitter-sweet torment...
Only an early twilight
And a never ending inner-fight...

PS: scroll down, please :p

Moonbeam

Where shadows sway slowly to mystery's song

& moonbeams shatter light to the ground.....

Where leaves shyly whisper to you “come along!”,

You can feel love floating all around…

There, where birds dream of endless blue skies,

Water lilies tell stories so true,

Where fairies  sprinkle their dust in disguise,

There I'll be. Forever waiting for you …

Happy Father's Day, FRONT!!!

...and for having me encouraged to follow my dreams!
LOVE YOU MORE!
<3

Dreamboat...

That lovely night
We were both under the spell of the Moon
But with the first ray of light
You were gone, it ended much too soon...

[...]




'Now you're only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
Swimming my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red...




[...]




And when I wake from slumber
Your shadow's disappeared,
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body...
I'm workin' through the daytime
But when it's time to rest
I'm lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge...'

My midsummer day['s]dream...

I’m sitting here truly hoping it’s me

You wrote this beautiful poem to,

Yet, nothing is what it seems to be...

Could it be that I’m falling for you?

My heart whispers your name

My soul bursts into a blaze,

[Don’t call it HEART, but call it FLAME]…

So shyly in your eyes I glaze,

You touch me with your manly hand

I lose myself, can I pretend

I’m not in love? I can’t, I am!

You softly whisper: “Shall we dance”,

How couId  I ever lose that chance?

We slowly get our bodies close,

Just like the quiet river flows…

We slowly dance into the night…

Before we know it, it's daylight…

I dare not even utter words

Of hope, of dreams, of fear, of love,

Outside I hear the singing birds…

I’m sitting silent as a cup

I wait for you to wake me up

Show me this dream is from above..

 

[…]

Slowly your image fades away

Alone again. I start to pray

To God to take me where you are,

No matter how distant or far,

I’ll walk through clouds of dust and steam!

I have to tell you of my dream:

Two Silhouettes dancing in the dark

Shadows illuminated by instant spark…