My name is Catalina, but every friend who knows me since I was little, and knows how in love I've been with English in general calls me Katie. Or simply Kate. It was my English teacher who first called me that way. He tried to find an English name for each and every one of his class. He said that it was simple in my case. Catalina just sounded like Katherine or Katelynn/Katie to him. I guess if one translated Catalina into something [other than its latin meaning] it would very much sound like Katelynn.
I was born on September 22nd 1984. At the exact time [hours and minutes] summer turned to fall. Astronomically speaking. And when I say this, I mean the Autumn Equinox. Fate? Probably. I guess my life is just like the changing of seasons, constantly transforming. Is it good, is it bad? I do not know. All I know is I'm moving on, along with the constant moving of the Solar System and our Galaxy's wandering through space.
I lost my father on November 23rd 1984 out of a medical error. It is never easy for me to talk about it, hence I will not do it now. I do not have any memories of him. Although when I look at his pictures, I feel like I've known him for a lifetime or more. As strangely as it may sound, I miss him, even if I didn't know him. I am so glad he had wanted a daughter so badly just before my mom got pregnant with me, and his wish came true. I hope I can carry on his legacy forever. Before he died, he said I'm his little writer. My hobbies are singing and writing. But I still don't feel I'm good enough at any of them.
I've lost a dad, but Universe sent me another one. He's been raising me since the age of 2. Been the best father one could ever be. He's taught me how to read and write before the age of 4, he's taught me so many lessons of life, he's talked a lot to me, and told me the most embarassing stuff, he's been so open and direct about many things, and some could have considered him too blunt, but the things he's taught me, later proved as being of utmost help in my life.
It's funny how people who didn't know my life story and that my real dad had died, whenever they met my family, they'd always say how well I resemble my [whom they didn't actually know was my] step dad as far as the personality is concerned. I would just look in my dad's eyes and he'd look in mine, and I could feel the emotion in his heart. Yes, I am sure he didn't mean to turn me into a copy of his, but it's inevitable that when you're raised by a certain person, you tend to become like them, especially when their influence is a good one.
I have been blessed with a mother who has sacrificed everything to see her children happy. All those sleepless nights...I hope they've finally paid off. I owe her my life and everything. I owe her my passion for singing. She makes sure she remembers me that everytime she used to rock me to sleep at night, just about when she thought I'd fallen asleep, I'd shout from the top of my lungs: "Mommy! Sing the song about the ducklings and the little frogs again!" And she did. And so many other songs, and I would sing along with her, until I'd fianally fall asleep smiling. When she used to wake me up in the mornings for breakfast and prepare me to go to school, she'd make up all these songs meant to wake me up and wish me a wonderful day, and to this very day I don't know how on Earth could she make all those rhymes as she was going along with the singing.
I am honored to have a brother who fights for human rights, who hasn't been changed by money, who is devoted to his community. Oddly [or not] he's ended up exactly as my dad had "predicted" just before he closed his eyes for the last time and gave his last breath, on that bloody hospital bed, on a cold autumn morning. My brother is a man of substance and I must say I am proud of him and his children.
My family is far from being perfect. We've had our share of misunderstandings and boy were they quite a few thoughout time. But we've somehow always managed to see past those differences. Maybe because I also sometimes talk a lot, which usually isn't a good thing, but by communicating with them and being honest and sometimes blunt too, I've mananged to make them understand I may never be the perfect daughter, I am only human, I make mistakes too. I might never meet all their expectations, just as I am sure they haven't met all their parents' expectations, and still they got along with their parents, and life went on. Mistakes or not, I'm still gonna love them, honor and respect them for the rest of my life. And I'll never forget what I've learned from them, in particular accepting and respecting others for who they are, and I'll apply all that I can take from what they've taught me in my life. But I'm not perfect, neither are they. No one is.
I wish I'd be more mature about certain things. I wish I told my heart to take it slowly and stop worrying about every minor silly thing. Stop blooming everytime someone is nice to it - you never know who has which agenda. But also not overreact and think everyone who's not as open as its owner would like them to be, automatically has a hidden agenda. I wish I were more confident. I wish I could finally let go of what has hurt me for so long. I wish I could have the strength I need to start anew and admit and accept all the feelings I have inside. Without any fear. I wish I took the next flight and go wherever it might take me and start it all over. No regrets. No worries. I wish I found the love that I've been searching for all of my life. LOVE. Just simple plain LOVE. With flaws and all. Imperfect, true love. But when I go to bed at night, to know that the man I'm lying next to is the one I was meant to be with. And that he's happy with me. As simple as that. That we've met in this life because we simply have to share our lives together, along with all the happiness, the joy, the challenges and the struggles it brings . That at the end of the day, he's my soulmate, my friend, even if we sometimes fight, even if he doesn't understand me at times, even though I am angry at the moment and involuntarily hurt him, even if he doesn't speak to me for 1 whole day. Even if he says something that he doesn't mean and hurts me. But that, at the end of the day, he's still the man I kiss, I caress and shower with love. He's still the man I'm raising children with, he's still the one I can talk to about everything, the one I put all my trust into, the kind of guy I can grow old with. My better half.
I wish...
