Today, somewhere in the middle of the day, it struck her: she loved him with a fire and a clarity she's never thought she could feel for someone. Sure, 20% of what she was feeling had a logical explanation: he was handsome. Incredibly handsome. But that's not what she saw as a priority of her feelings towards him. He was kind. He was funny, witty and intelligent. She loved how he teased her. But there was something more about him. Something beyond her power of understanding. Beyond her control. And this was what made her both happy and scared. Both intrigued and afraid. He was seducing her soul from afar. He was different. He was like this mystery offered to her to decipher, bit by bit, which she both hated and loved altogether. She had been feeling both in and out of control. And that had been what had made her act all crazy.
All this, up until this summer afternoon, as she was making coffee, when it dawned on her: he was her love and she had to take care of him. Not out of selfish motives, but because of whatever reason this Universe brought this lovely being into her life.
All this, up until this summer afternoon, as she was making coffee, when it dawned on her: he was her love and she had to take care of him. Not out of selfish motives, but because of whatever reason this Universe brought this lovely being into her life.
She knew she loved him so profoundly as if her entire being had met his entire being millions of years ago, when they were only tiny atoms of energy, colliding in a cosmic dance, and now they had to meet again to complete it. She was reading his words on love on a paper, and silent tears came strolling down her face: he was silently teaching her what love is, and she felt so unworthy of being part of his life, since he probably had no idea whatsoever of her feelings for him. And boy had she acted strange at times!
She read his words out loud and felt goosebumps all over: whatever he said there, that's exactly how she felt for him. The feeling was too powerful for her to bear. She covered her face with her hands and sighed deeply. She knew right then and there exactly what she was feeling for him: the deepest most profound kind of love she had ever felt. That she was going to love him forever, and smile whenever she'll think about him; she knew it with a certainty she had never had in her life up to that point and it was all new to her. And she also knew she was not infatuated with him. That it was just love. Pure honest most probably unrequitted love. But for the first time in her life, she honestly didn't care. For it was too profound and beautiful and selfless. She realized right then and there that she became better since she's known him. That he had, slowly, but surely [even though possibly unintentionally] turned her into a better version of herself. She felt grateful and blessed.
And for the first time in her life, she promised herself that, no matter what this life has in store for her, no matter how many times she'll cry and feel alone and unwanted, and miserable, she won't wait for him to send her that imaginary tight hug. She won't stay in front of the computer, hoping he'll be around, "catching" her every time she 'falls', every time when something hurts her heart. She won't take it to heart when he voluntarily or involuntarily breaks her heart. Because, ultimately, this is HER love, not necessarily also his.
He'll meet someone else, if he hasn't already, and he'll feel the need to talk to someone, and she will be there, holding his hand through all of the happiness or pain, because Love means Selflessness.
And it won't hurt her anymore. No. She'll be all alone in that love and it will scare her like hell at first, but she'll get used to it. It will complete her. She will be the best version of herself, ready to conquer the world and bring even the tiniest contribution, because she envisions this Universe and even though she might not know how it's been made, she at least figures LOVE had to be involved in the process.
The very same kind of selfless love she's now beginning to understand and be a part of.
She hasn't met this guy for no reason. He crossed her path with a purpose. Whether he's a lesson or something else, he's touched her entire being with his inner beauty and she can't help but feeling like she's now part of his soul, even if only insignificantly. She will be there for him and act like a sister or best friend and she won't feel like she has to pretend. She'll shape and mold her being according to him. And she'll make sure that he gets to be happy, even though it's not with her. Simply because she loves all those tiny particles that make him who he is. She will not fail him. She will be his guiding light.
She loves. Him :)
