A fellow whom I work with said that I shouldn't take revenge. Thing is, I never did. Me and Revenge, we're oxymorons. Yet, I'm somehow surrounded by a world of OXY-MORONS (that is, morons with oxydated brains and souls]. People who have dollars flickering instead of their eyeballs. Who are able to sleep very comfortably at night, thinking they will rule the world, if they took away things you love, things you need, things you worked hard for, enduring all kinds of mistreatings, never saying anything, always hoping one day things will change!
Yeah, right! They did change... I got to be the stupid girl, who endured insults from mean people, who, to make matters worse, look all saints and entitled to complain. What an irony! I was blamed for being too sensitive, in a place where those people were gossiping starting with my clothing and ending with every breath I took. I should commend them for that: they are witty, indeed. They do know how to achieve what they proposed. Instead, I was the stupid girl doing everything they asked for, always getting "No"'s whenever I asked for help, always getting " I don't have time!" and passed to the other one, who said the same, always getting ironies, no matter what. And, after all that crap I got, I never told the person who needed to know about all this, maybe I just mentioned some of the things... because the whole thing was starting to make me concentrate less and less. I was afraid of telling him the truth. Who am I, after all? And he wouldn't believe me, anyway. I'm the newer girl.
So, yes...it's my fault. My fault for not setting things straight when I should have. For not telling those girls a couple of things in their faces. For not making my own justice, when I had the opportunity. Now, with my mother having been sick and all, I just tried to cope with it, not ask for days-off, try to do my thing in the best way possible. But ironies and "Go away, I don't have time to help you!" continued...and weakness moments came. I will continue to say I am human, because even the best businessman on this planet is human, after all. My fault - for being ME.
It's my fault I let someone catch me off-guard and not being able to fight. I was never picked up from the street corner. What I do, I do because I am a valuable person in what I do, even so, with my sensitivity and all that crap. I won't allow any more offenses, I think I took enough all these months, from my dear colleagues, who, using a wonderfully-crafted mask of "Oh, we understand Kate, and we wanna help her, but see....." - managed to bring me down. Kudos!!!
And I sit and wonder...how come that people can get out of there ["only" 3-4 last week] complaining of never coming back, accusing mistakes, and no one EVER finds out??? But when I have a weak moment, of a killing back-ache and a mother who's just recovering from a sickness, EVERYONE knows? And threatens? And kicks me out?
The thing is, I never complained. I never even saw a reason to do it. I was happy, even so...with all the "kindness" I got from my fellow-workers. Even though I always came back home tired and stressed-out, until I finally understood: you can't force LOVE. It is or it is not!
All those months trying to get closer to them, to be able to communicate...and for what? Just to lose it all?
I might lose money, fame, fortune, jobs...but I will never lose my dignity, in order to please someone. Who doesn't even understand I was a Pro!
