Friends...or non-friends...

Lately, Twitter has become this place where a lot of friends have one or two best friends, based on how they're being treated in their times of need. But are those true friends the REAL true friends, that is the question? 

For instance, last week I've been in hospital. No point in telling that story that has to do with burglars, children being harassed, fists in the abdomen and nose bleeding. The point is children are fine, I am fine, everyone's fine now. But my being hospitalized gave me the opportunity [although I haven't asked for it!] to see who's being an honest true friend, and who's hiding behind a pretty mask. Or at least, I think I know. For I might very well be wrong... 

The point is, we all go through problems and pain. Some of us keep them all locked inside, while some of us externalize it...let it all out. I'm part of the latter category most of the times. I feel that I can't breathe, I literally can feel getting ill, if I don't let it all out. I have to speak my mind, otherwise I'm going crazy. So, after the whole burglars - situation, I got home, and I didn't want to call the ambulance, I felt fine. Just scared, couldn't believe I had the guts to confront them. But when my nose started bleeding, and I started feeling abdominal pain, that's when I got scared...and confused. And didn't know what to do. So, as I was shaking, I got on Twitter and asked my friends to pray for me, because that's what came to my mind, being so afraid, feeling so confused and scared. That's what I felt at that moment...that I need prayers, because I just realized I'd gone through quite a bad experience.

From that moment on - a series of situations took place. Some of them made me realize how lucky I am to have found such amazing friends all over the world... and all this, thanks to MJ!!! But some of the situations made me see more and more clearly, how clever, wicked and truly mean some people are. Hiding behind a well-crafted mask, looking so neat, kind, ready to help, [and they even do that, coming up with the best advice ever] only to drop the mask and show you the real self, when you least expect.

That's why I'm saying: shouldn't we all be just a little more cautious, when it comes to believing in everyone that calls himself a friend? I've been burnt so many times both in real life and here on the internet, that it's a miracle when I discover there are still HONEST, TRUE people here. You know ...? People are living on the extremes, but it's really not the best idea at all: being all too naive and believing - you risk getting hurt; being all too suspicious - it takes a toll on you, you become a recluse, eventually hurting people that do not deserve to be treated like haters or liars [it happened to me not too long ago with a person so suspicious, that I eventually got to thinking she must be either very fake, mean or jealous, either hoaxifying every situation ---both sides would end up hurting people anyway]. Well, who am I to judge? I am not perfect, I know... But I too have a soul and a heart, and I can't just keep on pretending I am fine, when in fact, I am so hurt, and so alone, and it's really like a jungle here, sometimes: you never know who to trust, cause they might 'eat' you alive...

All I know is that there's gotta be a balance somehow: just because someone is always there, with the best advice, doesn't make it any more of a better friend than the one who's only there for you two times a week, but also with the best advice, showing unconditional love and support, in any way that he can. Maybe that's the only time he's got in store for Twitter...We should appreciate every single gesture of LOVE, whether bigger or smaller...Love doesn't come in packages - LOVE is LOVE. Period. At the same time, when you get to go through a rough time, you do get to see who your better friends are... Because some of them offend you, some of them dissappear forever, in seeing that you no longer contribute to a certain situation [like in the H.Family - some of them think 'well, you no longer tweet about the H., therefore you don't exist' - which really hurts and make you question your presence here in the first place.]  Some of them tell you you're so amazing, wonderful, you're the best, f** the rest, you're IT, just to get under your skin, so that they could hurt you, since they've hated you since day 1! :( Sad, but TRUE!!! 

Still, thinking of the reason why you chose to be here - a person who makes you smile just thinking of him - well that gives you enough strength as to move on and hang in there.

In this H. Family, I love everyone and I mean it. Even the ones who called me a liar, a freak, a fool, a hater, an attention-seeker. Though some of them [taking it realistically now!] have no [more] excuse/-s as to act this way, I still find excuses for them in my heart...I might not be a hater, but maybe I've other flaws that may bother people...I'm not some super-duper girl..I'm just an ordinary girl. But it's in my nature to forgive. How can I expect God to forgive me, if I can't forgive my neighbor?

I didn't choose my fate. I do have my say when it comes to it, but sometimes you have to go through certain experiences, in order to learn to survive, and be a better human-being. So maybe I too, have to go through certain situations, and being the kind of person that can't keep her pain inside all the time, I might tweet about it, seeking comfort in my friends. But I also LOVE to be there for them in any way that I can, EVERYTIME they are in need, or they're sad. So, it hurts to be called an attention-seeker, when all you do is give and receive LOVE. This hatred and malice from people you would least expect - shakes you to the very core, makes you doubt yourself, doubt the idea of friendship, saddens you so deeply... why would one do that to someone who they used to call a friend just days before? :(

There's gotta be a balance in all this. But how do we find it? Maybe if we all tried to LOVE from the very depths of our souls, with no expectations in return, other than that of at least not being hurt. Even though, TRUE LOVE is actually supposed to BEAR anything, even hate. Maybe if we all LOVED and ACCEPTED each other for who we are....Maybe if we all didn't rank our friendships ["X is a better friend than Y, because he said I'm amazing and beautiful and kind, while Y only told me I'm kind."]. Maybe....

I'm not trying to show anything here. I only speak my mind. I feel inspired in offering LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, but since I'm only human, I had to let this all out, I had to tell what keeps on making me sad and confused at the same time. I might be wrong, but there's also a big chance I might as well be right...

I hope you guys can understand me and not take this personally. Cause I truly love, admire and respect each and every one of you!

Katie